WutoWu #103: Halloween From An Expert Point of View

Hi C and J,

Well, it seems like we all fell behind in posting. However, since I was the one appointed with the great privilege of presenting a challenge for both of you, my challenge is to create the best short story possible in under 50 words about your favorite Sanrio character.

Now: moving onto the post.

As an expert with over a decade of trick-or-treating experience, I have become familiar with the many methods of which candy is dispensed to the many children who walk around for upwards of 2 hours to gather free candy from strangers.

The Grab and Drop

This is the person who doesn’t want to waste time watching you pick out your favorite type of candy while they awkwardly hold the container of candy and try to guess what your costume is. Or, they bought too much candy and don’t care what you get, so they tell you to grab handful and go.

“Pick 1”

This person did not buy enough candy for the masses of young children dressed up as various Disney and Marvel characters, and they are trying to save enough candy for everyone. Or, they might just have purposely bought too little candy to be frugal and to protect the precious teeth of the children begging for candy and cavities on October 31st.

King-sized house, King-sized candy

As any experienced trick-or-treater knows, you go to big houses because you assume that because they can afford to live in such a large building, they can also afford to buy the largest candy sizes. This also the case for the houses of people who are famous. Some examples include Steve Jobs, Oprah Winfrey, and the President.

“Leave us Alone”

These people either detest social interactions with complete strangers for 4 hours 1 day a year, or they just do not want to hand out candy. These houses are trademarked by the distinct lack of light from any part of their house. My old math teacher was one of these people, and because it rained last year on Halloween, she remarked, “I was secretly glad it rained so that people wouldn’t walk through the mud to ring the bell. I turned off all the lights in my house and hid out in the basement for the night.” As you can guess, she just really did not enjoy social interactions with strangers.

The Pitcher

These people take immense pleasure in throwing compact pieces of sugar at the fragile heads of young children. These people are like the meaner versions of the “Leave us Alone” people, except they just want to practice their pitching, and like to torture children.

Abandoned Bowl

These are usually parents who have to take their children trick-or-treating, or are the “Leave us Alone” people, except they still want to be “festive”. These are the people who leave the bowl on the porch with a sign that says “TAKE ONE. ONLY ONE”. The signs are usually disregarded by people, and the bowls are empty within the first 30 minutes of trick-or-treating.

20-Something’s (or 30-something’s) Party

These people decide to host a party with lots of wine and cheese and crackers, and hand out candy to the cute little children that ring on the doorbell asking for candy. They are usually single, working 20 or 30 somethings. One example is a house I visited this year. A wine party was happening, and the only person dressed up was dressed as the “before” version of the beverage they were all consuming – a bunch of grapes.

While these are definitely not all the different styles of the people who hand out candy on Halloween, I tried to hit the main groups. I hope this brings insight into the Halloween experience, and I can’t wait to read what the short stories you come up with!

Stracchino.

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